In Which the Ringmaster Appreciates His Home Town, Part 3

Guided by a photocopied brochure we found at the visitor's center for an authentic Irish pub, we crossed the river bridge in Chattanooga. Our logic was that since this was the only photocopied brochure amid an entire room of slick, professional literature, this much be an authentic local place!

The walking bridge that crosses the Tennessee River is magnificent. It's an old traffic bridge that was shut down some time ago, and it now is a convenient passage to the city park and a college-strip street filled with neat boutiques selling all kinds of trinkets from a pet treat bakery to a funky head shop.

It was a short walk from the bridge to our destination: Durty Nelly's. It was in an old shopping center tucked into a corner as gaudy as a great pub should be. Green and yellow, it wasn't hard to spot.

Entering Durty Nelly's we were impressed, but slightly disappointed. The inside was more like a Bennigans than a pub, but the staff was friendly and the bar was impressive. We were shown to our table by a lady who was presumably the owner, since she seemed to be fussing over everyone. She was nice, outgoing, eager for us to have a good time.

Our server was Andy: actor, man about town. Andy had given Los Angeles a try for a while, seeking acting jobs and trying hard to make it. Once money and prospects ran out, he ended up back in Chattanooga. Andy was a good guy, he gave us tips about things to see around town. Looking over his shoulder, he recommended we try The Hair of the Dog Pub. We laughed and told him that it was the Hair of the Dog that had inspired us to search out another great pub.

Well...this wasn't a great pub.

The place was friendly and had a fairly typical beer selection. Inspired by the fish and chips at the Hair of the Dog, Metaphore ordered them while I went with the Shepherd's Pie. Astrocomical had a burger.

According to Astro, the burger was fine. It's hard to make a burger wrong. Nothing special, but it was good.

The shepherd's pie that I ordered was somewhat of a disappointment. I was expecting a tasty chunk of meat with cabbage and garlic mashed potatoes, but what I got was some home cooking. The potatoes were normal creamy mashed potatoes and the stew was a cheap grade of hamburger with peas, carrots, and potates in a gravy. The gravy was tasteless making the veggies the primary flavor. I can't say that I didn't like it, but for almost $9, I expected more.

The supreme disappointment was Metaphore's fish and chips. The fish was a nice thick cut battered fairly well, but the chips were actually POTATO CHIPS! Granted, they were made in house, but they were over cooked and unsalted.

Not being the kind of guy who sends things back, Met stuck it out. He would later probably wish he had. We shared entrees, I had a little bite of his fish and he had a taste of my shepherd's pie. He and I agreed that the potato chips ruined the dish. Andy overheard us and sent the owner over. She said that they had once served french fries with the fish, but the regulars preferred the potato chips. She said that they had a bag of fries in the freezer that they could cook. This was pretty much it for our enjoyment of Durty Nelly's. Frozen fries horrified us. With these prices, they could at least peel some damned potatoes.

Wanting to end dinner on a high note, I ordered the bread pudding that had caught my eye on the little brochure in the visitor's center. It was absolutely delicious. A fine, fine dessert.

Disillusioned, we set off for downtown again, but this time we wanted to take the new water taxi across the river. We wandered around the park (I actually stopped and ogled the carousel in the middle for some time)and never found the water taxi dock. Now doubly irritated, we set out across the bridge again.

Downtown, we walked down a couple blocks and turned to head back towards the river (and the van.) Just before the parking lot, we found a place we should have visited much earlier in the day.

Lupi's Pizza Pies is a fine little eclectic pizza joint downtown in Chattanooga. They had a two sided counter in the middle of the entryway for customers to sit at. At every booth, and down the arboreally decorated bar, there were metal paper-towel dispensers that served brown institutional paper towels. The lighting was grouped into cloud shaped boards painted with a cloudy finish. It was eclectic, colorful and fun, but I had to know what the food was like.

I ordered a slice of pepperoni. Oh my god...

All over the place were signs stating that they tried to gather ingredients from local sources around Chattanooga and that they take the money that would go into advertising into local schools. I could taste the difference.

The pizza was baked in a brick oven, but it was the ingredients that made the pizza great. It tasted like a fresh italian pizza should. Bright, flavorful, crispy crust. Incredible. I can't wait until January's Chatta-Con when I can go back and have a whole pie! HIGHLY recommended!

With that high (we were all already stuffed, but the pizza was SO good we HAD to try it,) we left Chattanooga for snoozeville, Tennessee. Unfortunately, for one of us, the experience wasn't over.

It was late and something woke me up. Suddenly, I heard it again. Someone was throwing up in the bathroom. It was a short series of some of the most violent retching that it has ever been my misfortune to hear. I knew that Astro had often had digestive problems, but in the darkness, I couldn't see who wasn't accounted for. After a short while, the sounds disappeared and all I could hear was running water.

When I raced to the bathroom a couple hours later, whoever it was had gone back to sleep.

The next morning, Met looked like hell. He had busted a blood vessel in each eye, his eyes were filled with blood. Later on that day, I'd notice bruising around the sockets. The fish at Durty Nelly's had taken a terrible toll on him. He was miserable and sick and we had a morning of driving followed by an afternoon of work ahead of us. I had gotten a lighter dose that night, but I had my own lower intestinal irritation that night, I would be fine.

Fortunately, he was a trooper and he pushed through the day. We arrived back in JC that night a little more appreciative of where we lived that we probably had been before the trip began.